But Dean didn’t write that shit Dean’s pretty sure nobody wrote that shit. Crowley talked him into recording with Krissy, which was fine, because Krissy is talented as hell and now that she’s not Mouseketeer-sized anymore she’s allowed to put out actual music instead of Tootsie Roll pop. They don’t want to hear what he’s writing at 41, about…what?ĭean couldn’t tell you what his last single was about. People even want to hear the stuff he wrote when he was thirty-four and getting sober and wrote some dangerously folksy “Daddy was a drinker” shit that bought him a really awkward night getting pelted with red carpet death glares from John’s surviving groupies at the CMAs. They want to hear the songs he wrote when he was twenty-eight and scared that getting his shit together would make him “ lose his spark,” so kept hitting the road until Lisa was basically forced to dump herself, and then he wrote a whole fucking sadface divorce album about it. They want to hear the stuff Dean cranked out when he was twenty-two and extremely pissed off but also lonely as shit and under the impression that that was a really compelling and unique set of problems. What really sucks about tour, when you’re old?
He likes that his roadies have health insurance and the tour bus has rooms. He is fond of the fact that he can’t remember the last time he can’t remember. The more philosophical dude’s response is oh, cuz it’s not as hard core and raw now, right? Because you’re rich and famous and shit? Which is also true – the most rawness he deals with these days comes on a sushi platter – but also isn’t why it sucks.ĭean is actually pretty stoked that his schedule no longer includes driving for eighteen hours straight, zonking out for two in the parking lot after sound check, and then stumbling on stage for a midnight set fueled by whatever magic beans he found at the bottom of the green room candy dish. Fourteen shows in thirteen days in ten cities is actually a nice distraction from all the aches and pains.
The knucklehead’s response is oh, yeah, cuz you’re old, right? Your back is fucked up and shit? Which gets partial credit, because Dean’s back is fucked up – but Dean’s back will gladly shit the bed in his own, literal bed. Young dudes will hear this and immediately have one of two responses. So the thing about being on tour when you’re old is that it sucks.
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